04/09/19

I didn’t even read the previous post. Did I post about how Jackson and I are divorced yet? Been divorced going on 3 years now. Anyway. I’m going to pretend you’re all caught up with my life apart from the last few months. I came out as transgender (ya know finally?) and I got a car with my boyfriend Vyncent. I am so burnt out over the last few days. Between doing new things in order to try and get everything squared away for the car, running into my co-worker in the men’s restroom or my sister yelling at me because she pre-ordered tickets I didn’t ask her to... I’m just tired. I’m tired and I was to fuck around with my boyfriend until I can’t feel things. I want to cuddle with stuffies, color, and read. My head hurts. Me ego is bruised. My dysphoria is sky rocketing. My anxiety is out of control. My bipolar disorder is getting out of hand and all I want to do is smoke a bowl and take a breather and fuck. I’m so tired of myself and my goddamn brain. I just want a moment. I love my daughter and Vyncent so goddamn much but my own brain is crushing me

Scary monsters killed the nice sprites

Once upon a time, there was a very large fairy. This very large fairy was protective over all the little fairies. But along came this even bigger thing disguised as a fairy. All the little fairies fallowed the bigger fairy because they were bigger. Then the bigger creature transformed into an ugly, twisted, and evil creature. The bigger creature was met by two more evil creatures. They offered the fairies a poison and the fairies willingly took the poison and transformed into creatures themselves. The big fairy that had been so protective of them was disappointed in them for not seeing the poison for what it was and the big fairy laid down and died of sadness. The end.

Disgusting confessions

My hot water has been broken for almost a month now. Without a shower I have begun to stink something to the equivalent of a skunk rolling in vomit and shit. My clothes washer has also been busted so I haven't had clean clothes for 2 weeks. My MIL has called a plumber and the plumber said that it is an electrical problem. The electrician hadn't shown up yet. I don't know how much more of this I can take 😞

The talk.

So I finally talked to my husband about him being ALOT more rough with me in bed. He took my word for it and we had the most mind blowing sex that we have had in a long time. The. I also made the hearts and flowers confession. I also bought him the jeans 👅💦💦💦💦💦 drool!! So we are being better now. Till next time.

Dreams of a sexy grey eyed dom

I have been re-reading 50 shades of grey over again. I want my husband to do these things to me. But I don't know how to tell him. He is so afraid of hurting me and I think that is really sweet (giving my very violent past and upbringing) but sometimes I just want him to throw me on the bed and fuck me into submission. Yank on my hair till I cry out. I want rough sex like I have never felt before. I want fucking on ever surface in the house. I want to feel a quiver when I think about it. But then I also want him to surprise me with gifts each day. Just to show he thinks of me. I want him to get tattoos with my name and say romantic things about how much he loves and cares for me. But until he gets the message I have my books ❤️

Day after Christmas and 34 weeks pregnant

So it is now the day after Christmas and I had the worst Christmas I have ever had. I bought gifts for everyone that I am close to and they loved every present that I got for them. But for some reason every single one of the people who bought me a present either regifted or bought it because it was cheap and it was a "you might like this right?" kind of gift. I got the books A Series of Unfortunate Events which are elementary school level books. I am nearly 20 years old and they give me books made for a 7 year old? Yeah thanks. Then they give me a lotion I am completely allergic to. I got a camera but I got it so that I can take a ton of pictures of my baby when she is born (By the way it is a she and her name is Elizabeth Titania Marian) and give them to other people. Makes me so angry. Then I started to get really frustrated because about 30 of my friends from highschool are all engaged and getting married next year. Most of them to people they just met or people who are not good for them. But that is just my opinion and I guess it doesn't really matter what I say. Anyway after all of my frustrated feelings toward people getting married I had a very pleasant surprise. I found that my breasts started to leak out a white clear liquid. I am pretty excited because that means that my milk ducts are preparing to produce milk for my little one. I am looking into the different types of breast pump and breast pads so that it doesn't leak through my shirt anymore. So you win some and you lose some.

To my previous Blog post

I never finished it. It has been a year to the day since I didn't finish that blog post. Since then I have gotten a job working as a cashier at Walmart. I am pregnant and currently 17 weeks. Tommorrow I will be 18 weeks. I get to find out the sex of my baby at the end of this month so please don't ask. I am still in college. It is still a pain. I still have a shitty English teacher and his voice is the worst thing I have heard since screaming babies.

Anyway back to my job. I am working at Walmart and at first it was fine. It was interesting and new. But since I have gotten pregnant it has become a living hell. I am not supposed to post about the problems I have at work but you know what? You don't know which Walmart I work at and I am not going to tell you any real names. So here we go.

First of all since I got pregnant I have been doing all in my power to transfer departments. Later on I am not going to be able to lift alot of weight and I am sick of handling the food. So I was trying to switch into clothing. Even if it meant a pay drop I needed to switch.

I swear as if on que Assistant Manager A writes me up. Now this was the first time I had been written up but because it was about WIC there was no conversation about it, it was an automatic write up (if you don't know what WIC is google it) He had said that I had wrung up the wrong product of formula for a customer and that made my drawer short. But then later that day when I did another formula WIC transaction the ammount was the exact same. When I brought this to his attention he brushed me off like it was nothing and moved on.

The next WIC problem that I had they combined with my last one because it had actually happened before. But it was that I hadn't gotten the price OR the signature of the person. This is something I would never do. And when I say never I mean ever in a million years would I even consider EVER doing this. But I remained silent about it.

My next write up was about my attendance. Now my store doesn't accept doctors notes so no matter what I would have done nothing I could have said would have excused me from my absences. Even though I was and am still suffering from morning sickness. I have made a resolution to myself that I will not go home now unless I am sent home.

Anyway that is all I am really upset about because with those two write ups I am unable to transfer departments and will probably have to quite my job altogether when the baby comes. They are extremely intolerant about pregnancy at my Walmart and treat me very harshly. It isn't fair for anyone but especially someone in such a delicate state of being.