MONDAY:
Last monday practice of my last Winter Guard Season of my only senior year of highschool. But before I get to that part I want to talk about my classes and everything that wen on that day.
My mom's birthday was today and my grandparents had completely forgotten. Made me sad that my present isn't finished yet and it won't be finished for another month. But I told her Happy Birthday before we left for school.
She took me to school like always and everything was going fine. I got my usual breakfast of french toast sticks and an orange juce. Always my breakfast of choice. And honestly nothing special happened other than my table was WAY to full. Concidering switching around again.
So I stop to talk to Cait my lesbian friend and then I head to class. I didn't see Andrea that morning which was odd but I ignored it. I get to class and get right to work on finishing my tape sculpture. Because we had a sub the day went fast because Ms. Dowling has a habit of over talking and taking up alot of our time. So we finish it and it looks so awesome because our sculture has ears and a tail and is doing the whole "fire power" thing. So we put cloths on it and take pictures of it infront of the office and take it back to class. WE RIPP IT APART!!!! It felt so good.
Next period is math and honestly it is probably my least stressful class. SO we get through the review really fast and class is over before you know it. Chris wasn't there again which isn't a surprise because he isn't graduating anyway so why would he show up?
After that I have mythology and our project was to invent ourselves into a god. My gods name was Alderi and it in my oppinion was the coolest but the rest of the class didn't see it that way.
The we had lunch that went on just as it always does. My sisters friends sat with me and then they left with my sister for the library. I called Jackson and we talked about if we would be hanging out today or not. We ended up not hanging out because of to much stuff happening at home with my moms birthday and all. But my fourth period is Art history and we were talking about the Black Plague and the art that was influenced by it.
Came home and moped around for a but. But if you haven't seen the new Pretty little Liars you need to!!! Because it showed today and I was totally excited!!!!"
We ate a dinner that I am not very find of but my mom likes and it is her birthday so I ate it. Then we sang happy birthday over her pink cupcakes and the day came to a close.
TUESDAY:
Got up and was exhausted but was also excited because I am going to see Jackson today. I also am getting a hair cut. It turned out really cute. But anyway on to my day.
My mom had her birthday yesterday right? Well my grandparents forgot ... Seriously!! They forgot her birthday after celebrating it for 35 years. It is so retarded so she was so pissed off all day.
She took me to school and then the day began. There was noone at my table today except those who I personally invited which is a very good thing or I would have exploded.
So I ate my normal breakfast in peace. The I got out of there and Cait wasn't there this morning but it was okay because I was able to see her later. So I started talking to Xanthe about the upcoming color guard season and then headed to Chemistry and we had a test and I think I did very well on it. It was on Q=mc/_\T and such things like that. Nothing very intresting at all.
My second period might as well be a free period because I am a TA for a teacher that doesn't really need me. So I headed to the library and finished of my book 'The Absolute Value of Negative One'. It is a very good book and I recommend it very much.
I go to my third period which is Phycology. It is possibly the easiest class I have ever had because all we do is take notes and talk. Never any homework and all the test we just sit there and talk about them together and turn them in. SO that class was a breeze and it was over really fast.
Next was lunch and I was so giddy because I was excited about getting to see my hubby. It started to weird out the girls that I sit with so bad that they checked me for a fever. But I ate lunch and called Jackson and got my transcript sent to UVU. Was a busy lunchtime.
In my next period of Child Development we just talked about personality tests and other things like that. Then we cut some papers out and pasted them on another paper. Nothing really interesting.
After school I went to a math review. My term test is tomorrow but I am not to worried because all the stuff on the test itself seems pretty easy once you get to the calculator. So I sat there and took notes.
I walked out of the room and sitting there on the stairs was my sweet boyfriend Jackson. We talked about the things that I was studying in there and I talked about how stupid all the people in that class were and how they were asking REALLY obvious questions. We left the building laughing. I don't remember specifically what we talked about on the way there but we ended up going to Discovery Park. We walked around for a bit and revealed my fear of the board bridge. We went over to the rocket ship eventually and saw all the things that people had written over the years. Quite hilarious. The we hit the tire swing and he spun me till I felt sick and then I returned the favor.
After that though my grandma called and asked me to head over to the hair cut place. So we hopped in the car and drove there together. I was still feeling sick so the car ride didn't do much for me. >_< We got there and I had to pee like crazy so we ran into Smith's next door (because Dollar Cut doesn't have bathrooms) and I let it all loose. Then we walked back over and got down in the chair. My grandma had already paid and left for home.
So the girl was fairly new and I could tell but she was extremely thorough. She checked my old layers and how they were done. Then we headed over to the wash place and she cleaned my hair and scalp. It felt good too. (I LOVE people playing with my hair) So I relaxed and I was even relaxed when we got to the chair. She parted my hair on the opposite side even but I realized that I really like that so I let her. ^_^ And slowly my hair took shape. It took almost two hours but it was SO worth it. I look beautiful and I feel beautiful.
So we left in a good mood and we headed straight to the mall. It was all happy and stuff till I started to feel stupid. Mostly because he hadn't told me that I was beautiful yet. And then when I said I looked stupid he sort of agreed and said "It is on the wrong side". So I started to act all emo. Then we headed to Unique Gifts and I asked him if he remembered the ultimatum that I had given him about him finishing school. And he blamed me for all his loss of sleep. When it is his own DAMN fault for waiting so long to finish all his packets. So I started acting even more emo. I didn't touch him. I wouldn't kiss him. I wouldn't hug him. I wouldn't talk to him. I must have really scared him because by the end of this he was worried he was losing me. So I comforted him and we are all good now.
So now I am here blogging to you and I have to go study.
WEDNESDY:
So the day started out like it always does. Nothing unusual other than my screaming headache and my massive amount of tired. But today I have guard so let's see what I recall about it.
Going to first period after the first bell rings nothing is abnormal at all. Then we realize that we have a sub. AGAIN!! I am so sick of having a sub in that class because seriously she hasn't given us instructions for a new assignment, she doesn't leave any materials or instruction for the sub at least to attempt at telling us what we are supposed to do.
So we sit there for the entire time doing nothing because all of us are done with our homework for our classes today. So all it was, was more time to stress out about my term test in Math. So we sit there and me and my good friend Kyu talk about the furry community and how fur fags make a bad name for the actual furries out there. And then we discussed the design of her unicorn dragon.
We got out 5 minutes early because the sub was probably annoyed with all the talking that was going on. So I walked around for a bit. I cleared my head enough that I felt like I could concentrate on the test itself which is more than I can say for my Chemistry test tomorrow.
Anyway. I arrive into class early enough to get comfortable and organize all my stuff into the appropriate positions on my desk. And then I wait for the teacher to get there. There is something I need to tell you all. We switched teachers half way through the year. I used to have a teacher named Mr. Giles and this teacher of mine had a severe case of depression. And because of this he missed school often and his permanent sub (who was not permanent at the time) Mr. Thatcher (who is one of the few subs that actually know math) would come in and try to cover for him as much as he could. But there is only so much a sub can do. But eventually it got so bad that the school couldn't get ahold of Mr. Giles at all and we weren't learning ANYTHING! So they had one of the other math teachers Mr. Draper who had a prep period tp come and help us out ever so often. But it got to the point that every so often was not going to cut it. So Mr. Thatcher was the substitute for Mr. Giles and is still there everyday for my class and Mr. Draper is like our substitute mathematician (not the Mr. Thatcher is not a math wiz it is just that Mr. Draper is the one infront of us all day) And that is where I am. I have about half of the math smarts as most of the people who are taking the same class as me.
But I sat down and I realized that I felt really good about my knowledge and felt that I could get a decent grade off this test. So he handed them out and I did it. All of it. In about 30 minutes. I was the first done.
After that I just sat there listening to my mp3 player and reading a book.
Next period I had mythology and we had to design our own personal Olympus for the god we designed. It was alot of fun and I got to draw rainbows and a pool!
We started watching a movie too but I don't remember what it was called.
I started feeling really crappy about life and was thinking about killing myself again. Every time I do that I text my boyfriend and tell him what I am feeling.Turns out he had come to school to surprise me. This made me feel much better but only slightly. I huggled on him and kissed him alot and got him some apple sauce and a roll. Then we started talking about the serious stuff. And I didn't want to talk about it that much that day so I tried to shut him up with my playfulness. It almost worked too. I called the place that is supposed to be calling me and telling me when my orientation is. They didn't answer again so I just left it alone. I was feeling even more depressed but then not even 10 minutes later they called me back. My orientation is on Monday next week at 3 pm. I was so excited that I nearly cried from happiness.
He picked up my stuff and walked me all the way to my fourth period. He kissed me good-bye and headed home to take a shower before he had to go to work. Made me sad but I knew I couldn't stop him. I miss him so much when he is gone. And he works tomorrow and the next day as well. What will I do?
So I took a short quiz in my last period and watched/slept through one of the most horribly boring videos ever. Some of the information was cool but other stuff was just rediculous. And the guy kept mispronouncing "Renaissance". It was driving me nuts.
School ended and I waited in the bad room till three for Ashley (my instructor) to get there. I hooked up my mp3 to the sound system like always and like always the assholes in there decided to clear out.
Ashley came and we got all our gear and headed to the gym. Because this was our last legitimate practice before our final competition on Saturday it was super hard and really draining. But we got through all of the stuff that she threw at us.
I came home and signed up for my account on UVU's website so that I was a legitimized student. And I got assigned a councilor. But I didn't get to talk to my baby through his whole lunch.
Then I came downstairs and studied like crazy. Thank god all my other classes on A days take no other brain power than to show up and listen.
Speaking of my baby he should be getting off like now.
There is this thing about me that if I don't get all the sleep that I possibly can I am tired as hell. SO when my brother came into my room this morning 5 minutes before my alarm rang ranting about how I didn't switch out the laundry last night I was pretty cranky.
But I got up and got dressed and got my shit together. I was done so early that I needed to distract myself from the axiety of my upcoming Chem test.
So I do my make-up.
I did it till I was satisfied with the monsterousness of it and moved on up stairs. My brother wasn't ready yet because he didn't have any other cloths than the ones that were in the dryer and his socks were missing. I was so late to breakfast this morning that I was almost late for class.
I HATE being late. That is possibly one of my biggest pet peaves. I would rather be insanely early than late. So when I got to school late I was pissed off and tired which is not a good combo for anyone. Especially when you are about to take a term final for Chemistry.
Now I love my Chemistry teacher. She is one of the greatest teachers I have ever had. I am going to add her on facebook the day after I graduate.
But sometimes I feel like she changes the rules for me sometimes. But that is just because I was around when her mom died and I came up and held her infront of the whole class and let her cry on my shoulder.
But I went up there thinking I was going to fail. But I came out swinging. I passed with an 80%. Greatest moment ever. I was so happy I started bawling and made my make-up run alittle.
Next period I graded all the tests for modern world history. Wasn't so bad because I got to watch the Goonies! It started skipping half way through so he started it over again and it worked fine. I love that movie.
I talked to Jackson in between second and third. Practically begging him to come see me at lunch today. But he wouldn't. I even offered to extend his deadline just alittle because I was THAT desperate. But still no.
So I headed into Phycology and he had moved the desks back into an angular form. I didn't care much it was just annoying getting to my desk.
We watche a movie in there about anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. It was called "Dying to be Thin" made me cry because of how badly I wasn't to be skinny and these girls are struggling with and eating disorder.
On the way to lunch I talked to one of the girls about wedding dress designs I had come up with. She told me I needed to go into dress design. Made me smile.
I ate lunch like always and was abnormally hipper and yelled at people alot.
I went to fourth period and we had to make up a finger play. And incase you didn't know. I am REALLY good at coming up with rhymes. So it was a breeze. I just wrote down a story that came to mind and made it rhyme. I will re-write it for you tomorrow.
After that I found out that my brother has officially been kicked out of his school. And because we are out of boundaries with this school they can do whatever they want. But he had been doing the most stupid things that the administration was just gunning for him as it is. My parents won't tell him till Saturday lest the drama queen cause a scene tomorrow at school. He will be checked out on Monday. My mother is furious.
I started playing my legend of Zelda game to distract myself so that I didn't tell him about it. I even asked my grandma to take me over to my boyfriends house for his lunch break so that I could run away from my problems. But when I got there I don't know why but suddenly they got worse. I wanted to run. Literally. I ran for about maybe a block and then stopped and headed back. My grandma came and got me and I left. But not before some really juicy kisses and some I'm sorries and I love yous.
I came home and started watching movies and playing games. I had chicken and fries for dinner and it was delicious. I also had a pancake that was too thick for me to finish.
I had no homework tonight so I am going to bed.
FRIDAY:
Because it's friday friday ... I hate that song. Worst day this week. Worst week this year. It was hard. I am finally done.
Okay so for the past couple of days I have been trying to find a new sound to wake up to. Because it really affects the rest of your day. (how you wake up in the morning) So I have been trying to find a sound that is a smooth but wakeful wake-up call. So far I have been unsuccessful. I almost want to tell my boyfriend to make a ringtone that is just for my alarm.
Anyway so I wake up above average but not that great. And then I get ready and go sit upstairs. And of course my brother is running late AGAIN. So we are waiting. I swear he is just begging to be transfered. He runs about a mile a century.
But once we get going to school we aren't that late so I can't really complain to much.
This next part I can complain about. Infact I will complain about it from here on out. This is the thing that ruined my entire day.
So I have routine that I generally stick to every morning. I get my normal breakfast of French toast sticks, orange juice, hash brown, and yogurt. Right after I finish my breakfast I go to visit with my friends. I got to Cait first and give her a hand hug. Then I move on to the library if I have time. But if I don't have time I go straight to the spot where I meet my best friend Andrea every morning.
Well this morning something ... happened...
I see her walk right past me. And she does that sometimes so I call after her. She didn't respond so I just assumed she didn't hear me. So I went after her to make sure than nothing was wrong. She turn around and tells me that if I touch her again she will break my hand. Momentarily I felt like I would burst into tears and ask what I did wrong. And then suddenly I realized that I didn't care. I said fine and walked away.
Almost an hour later during first period I texted her telling her that I was done with this. She told me she was in a bad mood so she really didn't care. So I told her that was just fine and to have a great life.
So I went to my first period. I set foot into that class and realized I was about to burst into tears. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to get out of class to try and calm down.
I called him and instantly I could tell he was annoyed with me. He is probably sick of me. He is going to tell me that it isn't true when he reads this but no matter what he says I am always going to think that I am nothing. He sounded like he was talking to his younger sister not his wife. So that made me feel worse. I got angry with him and told him to fuck off and started crying even harder. I cried so hard that my lungs felt like they were burning.
I calmed myself down enough that I could walk out. I saw that Ms. Stanton had a free period and I went in and sat in her chair. I started crying all over again. She tried to console me and tell me that whatever was happening with Andrea was not my fault. I know that. I just feel bad because I can't deal with her taking her moods out on me anymore. She told me that she loved me and that she was amazed by my vast amount of emotion and love and care for everyone else but myself. And that she thought that I was one smart cookie and that I just keep finding myself in REALLY bad situations where people hurt me.
Feeling better I went back to class. The teacher saw that I had been crying and asked me what was wrong and I just told her that everything was going to be alright to avoid more crying.
So I went into the computer lab to find the sculpture that I was going to copy for the class. I chose this cute little owl for my mom.
So next I went to math and 'learned how to count' or at least I learned how to organize large groups of numbers and count from one to 3 million in 6 groups in 8 seconds. It was interesting. I started crying in class and the girl who sits next to me who I think I am becoming friends with wrote me a not to make me feel better. Telling me that I am beautiful and that she loves me. It made me feel alittle better.
I got to my third period (Mythology) where we are watching a movie called "What Dreams May Come." It is extremely depressing and could have not come on a worse day. I cried through a great majority of it. And we aren't finished with it yet.
After that I went to lunch and sat down by myself. I called Jackson and accused him of not caring. He didn't deny it. Infact as I write this he is admitting to not caring.
I sat there for alittle while and then Andrew came over and talked to me for the rest of lunch because he thought I was lonely.
I went fourth period and took a test. After that I took some notes on the high renaissance.
Class ended and Andrea texted me and told me how sorry she was. Jut like I thought she would. I didn't text her back. I deleted her and other things off facebook.
I took a two hour nap and watch the termanator.
I also watched Mrs. Doubtfire and it reminded me of how I don't have a father.
Now I am going to bed. Alone again.
SATURDAY:
This was the first Saturday in a very long while that I didn't wake up at 5 30 AM. I was so happy. But I couldn't sleep in forever. I had to be at the school and ready with my hair and at least part of my make-up by 11.
So I woke up at 7 and ate breakfast, took a shower and put on the outfit I needed to. My mom decided she wanted to do my hair this time and it really did work very well.
Okay so I was right down to the wire and had lunch literally 1 minute before left and finished 20 seconds before we left.
My mom took us to the school in the car because my brother wanted to come along. If my younger sister would have come we would have taken the van. I love the van so that would have been so much better for me.
But we got there in one piece and we were the first ones there. We realized that we had forgotten our lunch box. So our mom decided that she would have enough time before she went to take her math test.
So Ashley got there and the last practice of my last season right before my last competition. So depressing. But I grit my teeth and gave everything that I had. I felt like everything was going to be okay. Time passed so fast I almost didn't realize when all of a sudden it was 1:30 and my boyfriend was there.
I got on the bus with all my stuff and was on my way. I went to Davis high school and preformed my heart out to an audience of over 100. It made me feel great. And I just gave everything that I could have possibly given.
We moved up 5 spots in a class of 13. And scored higher than alot of people in classes above us. Ashley said that she was proud of me. And that it was the way that I should end the season of my senior year.
I spent the rest of the time watching shows with Jackson and got sick a couple of time. Played "Ride that Pony" and then got back on the bus heading toward home. Stopped at West Lake High School to help them re-fold their floor because it was SO bad.
Made it back to the school and got all our stuff inside. Jackson took me and my sister home. I went inside after kissing him.
I went inside and took a shower and washed myself three time. And went to bed at 1 am.
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